Kicking around baby issues

While most parents try to absolve their children of any inherited faults, I find it highly irresponsible not to punish those bastions of lost sleep their intentionally produced transgressions.  What transgressions you ask?  Well, the kicking of their parents for one.

Our little fetal parasite has seen fit to begin kicking her parents at every opportunity as to say that she mightily disagrees with most things that we say or do.  An example may help clarify the issue at hand. 

Just last week, Shannon and I were having a lengthy discussion about child-rearing procedures and we came to that delicate issue of potty training.  Shannon seemed to believe that potty training should be conducted in such a manner as to seek highly favorable results as evidenced in the hordes of baby books she has acquired.  My stance was that we should afford our child the opportunity to learn from her sister and brothers.  As such, I began to measure the door for a suitable doggy/baby door so that the little one would be easily allowed access to the backyard.  At the very mention of this stupendous (Shannon said the idea sounded the same as stupendous only without the ‘endous’ and replaced with ‘id’… This gives you ‘stupid’ for those of my knuckle-dragging friends) idea, the baby gave Shannon a sharp kick to her groin!  Now, I say… I will not stand for such insubordination from a being only measuring approximately one pound!  But, she decided not only to make her point known but to repeatedly announce her displeasure with repeated kicks.

I was then subjected to those kicks too as Shannon immediately shoved my hands around her belly.  I would not be surprised to find that our baby may develop into a world renowned soccer player based solely upon the force upon which she exerted her displeasure into Shannon’s nether regions.  Needless to say, I “felt” the message loud and clear that our baby will not be subjected to outside potty training.  I will admit that feeling that first ‘bump’ against Shannon’s belly was one feeling that I will never forget and I can’t wait to feel more such movements.

Another discovery I found this week places me not only in the expectant fatherhood area but in the exuberant father realm as well.

As Shannon and I turned the page and began her 21^st week of pregnancy, we had another doctor’s appointment where our hope was that we would finally find out the sex of the baby.  Unless you are the knuckle-dragging type discussed earlier, you should by now have realized my overuse of the pronoun ‘she’ to help you determine that a discovery was made. 

We have in fact found out that we are officially having a beautiful baby girl.  While the use of ‘beautiful’ is often used by parents when describing their own children, sometimes we, the friends/family, of those parents are forced to use the same term when gazing upon a ‘beautiful’ wildebeest (not so attractive baby) all the while gritting our teeth.  Ok, ok… I am exaggerating a bit as I have yet to come across a baby resembling a wildebeest outside of the movie “The Lion King”.   

I can proudly proclaim that ours is in fact beautiful because we were able to see her clearly through the wonderful advances in technology.  She is gorgeous and according to the doctor, long legged and skinny, which means she only got one of my traits.  No, not the long leggedness but skinny… Oh, wait (looking down)… never mind.  

With her propensity to kick and her gift of long legs, I do foresee quite the future for her. Does this also mean that my future holds an exorbitant amount of money spent since most ladies, even little ones, require an abundance of clothing and shoes?  Two women in the house against me without any backup save for two male puppies?  Oh Lord, give me the strength to produce a boy the next time around! LOL